Digging Deep

Many times in my life and on my path I have found myself questioning my beliefs, my intentions, my abilities and my place in this universe. So rarely do I come upon a concept or truth that stays permanently with me; just a fleeting epiphany that dissipates too soon, leaving me with a sense of loss and profound confusion that can be almost debilitating. I see this as a process, though, a consistent incorporation of new information and experiences, allowing the foundations of my perceived existence to be built sturdily and with integrity. Rather than holding to other people’s truth I discover my own, which is what a spiritual and occult practice ought to involve.

As a spiritual seeker there are many obstacles and pitfalls that can either turn us from our paths or help us assure ourselves that we continue upon them. The greatest hurdles, of course, are our societal conditioning and skewed understanding of self-worth. These concepts cause us to sabotage our progress, to doubt our abilities and experiences (as I have often done), to berate ourselves for not being “better” than we are, because the limitless spirit within us has been squashed down and hidden from our sight to such a degree that we even doubt it’s existence.

One of the greatest challenges for me was accepting the evidence of my senses and my intuitive thoughts. It’s all too easy to disregard the subtle energies and the ideas that pop into one’s head as imagination; to ignore it as make-believe. However, very slowly and with persistence, you begin to trust that subtle sensation and those inner thoughts when you take the time to listen and feel.

When you give yourself permission to accept the “other” aspect of reality that we’re not taught in schools and universities, or by many elements in our Western society, it’s like sloughing off the facade and seeing what’s underneath; or, as yogis term it, “seeing through the veil of Maya”. I found the practice of yoga and yogic techniques helped me trust in the sensations and intuitions I experienced in my occult practices. Controlling and drawing-in ‘prana’, or life-energy, is a significant component of yoga and the raising of one’s spiritual energy, which is why my occult and yoga practices have grown up alongside and complement each other. The only significant difference is that in yoga one is supposed to rise above and beyond the psychic abilities and in occultism one seeks to develop them so as to use them to move along the path.

If you’re finding it difficult to pin down a set of beliefs for yourself or to accept the subtle energies at play don’t be disheartened – be grateful that your mindset is not dogmatic. Perhaps your beliefs are fluid and change as you receive more information and experience new things. Perhaps you have yet to find your fundamental truth. It is a quest, after all, so don’t feel obligated to fit a mold and always question everything. One does not plumb the hidden depths of one’s spirit only to cram it into a cage.

No one said this path would be easy. In fact, by it’s very nature, it is immensely difficult and requires strength and determination to stay on. And, yes, a little faith. Faith in oneself and one’s worthiness. Though the effort is great it makes the rewards all the sweeter and one day you will find yourself looking back on your struggles with fondness.

It’d be lovely if there was a chocolate reward underneath that tree in the centre…